No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
