I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
