i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
