1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
