i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
