I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
