dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I AM VODKA MAN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
