he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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