Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
