God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
