wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize