I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
