thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
