There is no way he is gay with that hair.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
