The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
