I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Farmville is her only friend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
