I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
