if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
