Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
