Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
