ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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