Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize