I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
