Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
