Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
