Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
