went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
