I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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