so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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