I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
