We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There are leaves in my underwear?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
