Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
