I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize