He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
