At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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