I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
