You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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