I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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