I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize