I'm so fucking centered right now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my poor anus
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize