I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
