your parents love me but you hate me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
