i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
