saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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