He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
