And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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