you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
