My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
