I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize