these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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