Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
