God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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