What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
