I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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