So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
