I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
