I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize