Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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