I want to have your abortion
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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