Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
