you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
