Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
