man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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