a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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