ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize