Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
