Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
