At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
