I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
