After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
