Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
