Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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