I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
