is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
