She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
