Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
