how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We left the knife in your bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
