fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
