i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
