I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
