if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
