lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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