well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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