is your mom at the bar?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize