I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
