the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
