wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
