He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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