Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
