so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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