i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So vagazzling was a success
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