She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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