she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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