i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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