dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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