Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize