We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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