so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
