ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
