does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
