I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
