i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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