I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
