I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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