Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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