No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The air taste purple.
Randomize
