i think my tv is drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
