I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
