One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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