put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize