I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
