he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
