guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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