yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize