fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
