come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
