i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
