Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
