THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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